Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
