I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
