Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
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