There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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