Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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