Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
