So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
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That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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