Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize