i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
