Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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