also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
