apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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