i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
