So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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