There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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