I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
