So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
