On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
