you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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