Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
