Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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