Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
