Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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