I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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