I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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