addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
