If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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