I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Im part way to drunk.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
