mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
