her vagine was all disorganized.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
