if i can run in heels then i can drive
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
