why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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