You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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