so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
