I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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