2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize