I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
