in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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