Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
