Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
