My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm too high and old for this...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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