I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize