So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We had to coat check the pizza.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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