Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
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