So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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