Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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