In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
