Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
