He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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