i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
