This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
