He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
