So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
