it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
