My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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