i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
well you can't waste a boner
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
