when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
