I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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