I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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