I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
