I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
