I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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