remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
